What Does It Mean When You Require More Attention
I wanted to write about my take on what people consider “neediness” they don’t want/need to deal with. Why? Because it is a topic which is bothering me as of late.
At the beginning of a relationship, if it is the ones that start post-college, let’s face it – it probably is very sexual.
And when people meet up for these “dates” which are really = eating and waiting to have intercourse periods, ESPECIALLY when two people are casually dating and before exclusivity is declared….. you are not friends. Sorry. You are CFWBs.
CFWBs = CIVIL Friends With Benefits. Because you are not outright declaring you are using each other for sex/company since you don’t even know much about the other person. But basically that is what it is. TRUST.
This is compared to DFWBs = DECLARED Friends with Benefits. DFWBs are either best buddies who share a mutual love for sex and consistently sabotaging any real romantic relationship with their attempted dates OR they share a very cold relationship where hitting it and quitting it is the norm… still consistently sabotaging any real romantic relationship with their attempted dates.
When CFWBs become GF/BFs there is a shift in the paradigm. Both have agreed that they can have great sex and now are moving on towards other things…. like getting to know each other. Once great sex is almost a guaranty – you can commence with the transition between SEX MOSTLY to a SEX + Sprinkles of Romance relationship.
Here is where things tend to get STICKY.
ONE OF YOU WILL HAVE A NEED TO RECEIVE MORE ATTENTION. OR BOTH!
Because a transition from CFWBs –> GF/BF will not be a happy one unless SOMETHING is realized. That something is the fact that a yearning for friendship/love has begun. Improper response: “Hey, I was used to only responding to you once a week – what happened? WHY ARE YOU SO MUCH MORE NEEDY?” Proper response: “Oh, so you need me to do that to make you happy? Alrighty then! Let’s get this show on the ROAD.”
When something CLICKS in your mind and you want more attention/texting/calling/initiation during a period where there is USUALLY RADIO SILENCE…… you, my friend, are only exercising your right for love.
Think about it. You are given love freely from your parents. You are given love freely from friends – OF COURSE they don’t mind your need to share your thoughts. There is no such thing as an overload (unless that person is naturally annoying by a unanimous vote). You start to want the friendship/love that comes freely with others in your life – from your recently acquired significant other.
You are normal.
There are MANY ways this scenario can turn out:
1) They react with insecurity/fear for their own freedom thinking it is mostly about them and not really about your yearning to be fulfilled emotionally (because you got the physical shit DOWN)… then they are not your cup of tea. Spit it out. Throw away the freakin’ cup. Life is short. There is no need to keep on sipping that bitter nasty cup of tea when you can have the greatest CHAI TEA you’ve ever tasted in your LIFE if you simply moved on.
2) They react with trying to increase attention but naturally they suck at it because they are not used to it. Know yourself to know how much longer you can tolerate it. However, you will only continue to struggle with it which might lead to fights and could otherwise mess up an okay ending to a short lived story. No one needs to get mauled in this process. It was a good run – carry on. Everyone can move on happy.
3) They react by giving you the attention you need in DROVES. Like a train that suddenly started and will move NONSTOP. Like a double rainbow that never stops shinning – providing happiness forever. You are deliriously happy. You both move forward in delirious happiness. Because they realize it’s not about THEM when it comes to asking for more attention, it’s about YOU. And making YOU happy is what matters.
I might have exaggerated on certain parts of this description. But you get the gist of what I am saying.
*This is to exclude all behaviors of emotional manipulation. Once emotional manipulation comes into play – this whole explanation is moot.*