The Battle For Sanity

I want to comment on this common female struggle: the battle for sanity.  Given how we are all afflicted by the tides of various hormones not to mention the annoying obstructions to these tides randomly provided by pills, implants, and insertions all for the purpose of controlling birth – I see it fit to voice my observation after hearing about the relationship woes and confusion this struggle brings.

Men?  For the most part they do not need to fight this battle for sanity.  In relationships I have observed that they are usually calm.

So to maintain the semblance of a healthy relationship I’ve discovered that this battle must be fought and won on a monthly basis.  90% of the battle is internal and won with the aid of releases in whatever form they may be.  But left unchecked and especially left underestimated, just rolling over and giving in to the ultimate female excuse to be emotionally volatile will lead to disaster.

Even if it is through a pained grimace to mask the true nature of your maleficent disposition – it still must be done.  Maintaining any long term interpersonal interaction involves the maturity to bite your tongue and try to resolve everything with the coaxing sweetness of something honest yet silver all at the same time.

Because even if you have your demands and your needs – voicing dissatisfaction towards any individual reduces their ego and a person with an uncomfortable ego tends to be less open to promoting your personal happiness.

It is wise then to not get careless with vocal deliveries.  That created moments of unease leaves a sour uncompromising aftertaste for everyone involved.  That happiness is really about letting go of the things that do not matter all too much.  Some recent turn of events and my mail lady (married 42 years) refreshed me of this truth because that is how you consistently win your battles for sanity.

In other news… an update on my current situation.  Sales, without any real money spent on marketing/advertising, have gotten comfortable enough for me to provide for all my expenses thus far.  I am past my 10th car and I am past being uncertain about the future.  I am not as gung ho as I would like to be but that’s only because I prioritize having a life over not having one.  I’ve learned to let go of a lot of stresses even though stress is an inevitable part of the daily madness.

To keep my sanity for the past couple of months I galavanted in the following activities:

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Feeling For The Point Of No Return

Points of no return are interesting to me.

In relationships I am always feeling out for that point to decide if I should go or stay.  And maybe that isn’t healthy.  But at the beginning that point of no return could be something very easy as an annoying habit they exhibit.  It means the death of the interaction due to the fact that you’ve barely known them for a few dates and your point of no return has been breached.  Later on it becomes the question of different lifestyles because now you are a bit more committed to even ponder this meshing of personalities.  It was irrelevant until it became unavoidable.  The point of no return to me means the point when you should definitely leave.

And the more you know someone, the further it fades into the distance.  It becomes your far reaching horizon, blurred by the haze of the sunset.

The same thing applies to a hobby becoming a passion.  The point of no return does not exist.  Because you would do anything to make your passion happen and quitting is not an option.

Feeling for these points of no return makes me decide when to quit.  But it also can leave room for premature decisions based on the feeling of a moment.

The less of a grasp I have on my points of no return – the more reassured I am of its permanence.  Whether it’s a passion, a person, or a position.

 

Do you also feel for points of no return?

Credit to: Bodyperformancefitness.com


keep-calm-cook-on

keep-calm-cook-on-breaking-bad
credit to: teepublic.com

So for the past month I feel a little more panicked than usual.

I moved to a desert town by myself in April.

Contrary to popular belief I did not move to the desert to cook (meth).

It is to start an autodismantling business in the middle of nowhere (which usually doesn’t matter all too much because most of my sales are international/out of state).  The feeling of going from a 9-5 stable job every single day to tackling a business venture with no safety net didn’t feel like a sudden jolt out of what I was used to.  It felt like a breath of fresh air I have been dying to breathe for the longest while.

I grew the business to a decent size in the span of 5 months by hiring necessary workers, developing relationships with shop owners/scrap metal recyclers/catalytic converter recyclers/battery-buying people/tire buying people/rim buying people/business mentors, replaced all my hats with good people, outsourced some, negotiated like crazy for everything I had to gather or purchase…

I even got a boyfriend.

Now it is the fifth month and I feel panicked. (more…)


 Is There A Use To Being

The Devil’s Advocate

For Insight ?

Credit to: Forbes.com

 

Once again, it’s this nagging idea that has been bothering me.

Sometimes (or often)… you like to take brute pride in your own convictions.  And you are then asked to be humble by certain methods of persuasion.  One method the other party might enact includes playing the Devil’s advocate to remind you that different perspectives may exist.  More like a fight for neutrality.

“SOME people might perceive it as that… yes… but others might not.”

How are you supposed to respond?

“Umm… yes.”

You realize this bothers you because after that “yes” is verbalized, your mind is probably going “So what the fuck is next?”

When a person is playing Devil’s advocate simply as a way to rub some neutral ground to your stated opinion (extreme as they may be sometimes)…. the only use of this tool is for halting what may come from your opinion.  It’s to halt the next move towards your end game.  Why?  Because there is fear that you would take it too far?  Because of their neurotic urge to feel right with an easy cop-out by stating the obvious?

Playing the Devil’s advocate without a proposed different solution or different insight provides no value add.  It is a form of underestimating my intelligence by reminding me of what should be very much common sense.

Of course some people may see it as this and not that.  OF COURSE others might view it differently.  OF COURSE I might be the product of my own environment.  OF COURSE it could be a strong influence of proximity, of peers, and OF COURSE.. it might not.  THIS OR THAT… SOMETIMES… These phrases bother me if there is no solution after the fact.

Provide a damn solution if you are going to try and bring me back to the neutral ground I strayed away from.  Purposely I left that neutral place a long time ago because I have an opinion.

My response could be, “Well, it’s my own opinion.  Others might think differently.  This is how I think.”

But that would be too obvious.  Much more obvious than, “Some people think this way, others think that, too.  Not everyone is like that, some of them are like that, others are not.  Some things are that way.  Often times it could be something different.”

It’s maddening because there is no proposed solution.  It’s maddening because the very act of having an opinion is to take a stand away from being neutral.

Not from intolerance.

Not from bigotry.

But because you have a fucking opinion.

/End rant.


“Everything around you that you call Life was made up of people who are no smarter than you.” – Steve Jobs.

So you can change and mold life to whatever you want it to be, basically.

For years of my life I have given in to my parents’ pressure of going down this road.  Every other word was uttered with extreme fear of the unknown and traveling a safe road would be best.  Even though every inch of my being wanted something else completely – I kept trying a path I hated to travel.  Maybe that was why I kept changing my mind, pretending to friends and families about something that wasn’t even relevant to their life – my career goals.

It wasn’t after a messy breakup, countless attempts to do something my heart wasn’t even into, that I decided to say the hell with it.

I’m done with trying paths my heart wasn’t passionate about.  Because I will never be able to live with myself.  Because what I discovered through this journey called “Life” was that I would never be successful due to self sabotage if it’s not something I will fall in love with.  And it wasn’t until I recognized this pattern in myself that was able to let go.

In letting go there is no more fear.  Fear of failure? Forget it.  Fear of backstabbing?  Been there, survived it, continuing to live life trusting again.  Fear of being broke?  I know English, right?  I can communicate?  I’ll be okay.  Fear of being taken advantage of?  Nope.  I am too damn smart for that.  Many of my fears are eliminated.

And I am most happy living this way.


 


I was watching a google talk video regarding mobile as the new social media.  How we are trying to fit our old paradigms onto a different structure and most of us get fixated on cramming what we know works with what is new.  And surprisingly it has to do with space confinement and elementary concepts such as dimension.  When things started going mobile we don’t inherently jump to what will work with the new model but in our haste to go the easy route we make things more difficult.  For example instead of making forms shorter and checkout more simple instead we focus on how to fit everything in a smaller screen so we increase the scroll length. Amazon got it right with the one click checkout process didn’t they? And password protection is made easy with the reroute to email way vs. Figuring out a captcha that doesn’t even fit onto a mobile screen.  I want to implement this effort for looking at mobile a different way and I want to see if it will work.  I am going to try and bypass the standard checkout line by enabling instant one click checkout scrolling over pictures and tapping or scanning a barcode for my physical retail location. When will this get accomplished?  I hope sooner rather than later.


Demotivators

Posting from underneath the sheets of my bed after having woken up from one of those states of unintentionally falling asleep due to total exhaustion. 3:42AM. Raw.

I was thinking of simple demotivators and how next time I will try to avoid them with more intention. Like I am ashamed of the recklessness that went into allowing such demotivators to exist.

Like a hangnail or taking the act of cutting my fingernails a little too far. Now parts of my fingertips ache and that dull pain however little demotivates me.

I attended a free webinar at 8am yesterday hosted by Dainis Graveris about jumping into freelancing and how now is the best time to do so.  It was informative and because of that I decided to attend their next webinar starting at 11am EST today.

They spoke of having the ability to motivate yourself and work in solitary confinement for the better part of each day. Being your own boss requires you to let go of the fear of any paycheck uncertainty.

I was quite fearless of all of this until these points were highlighted. Suddenly working in the warehouse by myself becomes a little bit more lonely. The silence became louder. So I invited some people in and I turned on netflix for background noise and I had breakfast with a business mentor at a local café.

Next time: don’t be so reckless with distractions because not having a 9-5  can enable a 24/7 destructive cycle of distractions if you let it.


Dealing with Vulnerability

Inspired by Seth Godin’s blog, I’m going to try to have poignant entries for this week rather than anything long winded or visually entertaining to fill in the blanks.  Isn’t that really what’s a blog all about?  A splatter of your own thoughts instead of a pieced together thoroughly referenced piece of writing?  Who knows.

All I know is for the first time since starting this venture I am feeling vulnerable. (more…)


Another praise for human-sent technology… goes to CAMSTUDIO.  Beating out its contestants = a million other random thoughts floating about in my brain.  I know, you are probably thinking… a MILLION?  I usually can only count five thoughts and then everything is but a blur afterwards.  Oh, the nightly alcohol does that to you, doesn’t it?  [I told you not to keep on drinking alone – it isn’t the cure all to your childhood issues!]

Some of you might be familiar with Camstudio already since its inception, but for those of you who are not familiar with Camstudio, I just want to harp on it for juuuuuuust a little bit.

Also, after this I talk about strange happenings over at my warehouse.

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