To allllllll the readers out there who actually read my little blog … just want to say THANK YOU & update you guys on a few things.
Recently I co-launched a Youtube Celebrity Magazine/Website with Lynnand …. let’s just say I am watching way more youtube videos than I typically watch. And it’s disgusting. I stay up till 2 or 3am in the morning now..watching youtube videos. HOWEVER, I completely believe in the potential AWESOMENESS of Whoistubian.com and what it can provide. Because, I mean, IS there a central place for specifically youtube celebrity news/biographies? I think not, my friend!
I figured you guys won’t actually visit unless there’s a screenshot —- OOO LOOK! PRETTTTYYY!
We have over 59 likes on there already with only four articles so far! Can I get a hell yeah? Don’t hate. D-don’t hate!
I have also co-launched a website that provides an actual DIGITAL PRODUCT to help people list faster. So far we have 4 subscribers. That is four living breathing souls who provide monthly payments and as long as they are happy and are still using the product…they will continue to provide monthly payments until they no longer use it anymore. Which could be never! They might pass it down to their grandchildren if we are lucky. One can only dream. Two clients from the US. One from Japan. One from Hong Khong.
I am still worrying about 3500 car parts daily. But it’s okay. I will probably use car parts to make comedy skits… one day. Not today. Some day.
I know most of you will probably not give two pieces about what’s going on with my life but I wrote this to celebrate the tiny victories so when I look back on my own blog – I will have seen improvement (and not fond memories of a time long ago when I actually had the balls to go and do something).
It’s been over a year of doing whatever the hell I want to do… and I’ve semi-successfully built an automobile dismantling company, started an online magazine-like thing with my friend Lynn, launched an intangible product delivery website with Ron, learned how to rock climb walls that look godly high & managed not to drive a boyfriend too cray. These are TINY accomplishments I need to think about when I am bawling for no reason during T.O.M’s irrational visit. These are my little itty bitty tiny teeny bite-sized victories.
This is to counteract urges to stuff my face when I go on facebook and am SLAPPED by everyone’s wonderful life. The WANDURLUST/TRAVELING-non-stop vacationers, the YOUTUBE sensations, the ENGAGED & 2-seconds-later MARRIED, the BABY SHOWERED, the JUST-GOT-MATCHED doctor friends, the RICH & BLINGING ballers…
who here feels me? Can I get an amen, brotha?
My next how to post will be….. How to add Ads to your website & probably another random “Who Is..” person. To counteract this NON-how to post.
The other day I got a spam email from an SEO telemarketer critiquing my site as being too “company centric”. Obviously he didn’t read anything on my site because… does a “company centric” blog site include apoem about sex on their site? I didn’t think so.
A good point was made though – that if you go to this site you have no idea where to start or what to read because the topics are so damn varied. Therefore, I’ve decided to make pages such as “NEWCOMER? START HERE” in the menu as well as ARCHIVE, PROJECTS, and CONTACT.
I’ve yet to make those pages.
I recently read Mark Manson’s post about 3 explanations whyhe thinks single people (who hate being single) are still single (and hating being single).
Let me break it down for you
1) Too high expectations of others while not really being hot shit themselves. Overweight woman expects to date a man with six pack abs for example.
2) Not respecting their health/emotional well being enough to work really hard to be an emotionally and physically healthy individual … and wondering why they are getting rejected for relationships.
3) Skills for intimacy are not developed yet. Which means they interpret every argument/fight as unbearable & can’t feel comfortable in getting close to someone because they don’t want to explore themselves on a deeper level and be okay with it.
I agree with all three points.
I think I’ve been through all of it and the one I struggle the most with is #3.
Why not #1 or #2? I changed myself for the better by hiring a therapist to allow me to see reality clearly when it came to #1 and #2. I got off my ass, exercised more, killed almost 80% of my expectations for people and what they can provide for me – instead I focused on becoming more giving without counting tabs & seeing where it goes when that happens.
#3 is tough. How can you tell your SO that the cause of your pain is them without hurting them in the process? And vice versa? It’s difficult. Even if it is delivered at calm times. I think it’s because to yourself – you are perfect (or close enough). You’ve figured out for the most part what makes you happy. And everything else outside of what makes you happy will mean… unhappiness. And unhappiness is not what you want to include in your life.
You don’t want to face or even fathom the idea that sometimes.. you are not a good person. Sometimes you are downright selfish. Sometimes you are rude and you act in a way which hurts others unintentionally or otherwise. There are these darker sides to you that resurface once in a while. Although they do not make up the majority of your traits and personality – it hurts to admit to yourself that you are a bad person (sometimes).
I think the more you view yourself as a really good decent honest loving person… and you stick to that ideal rather vehemently… the harder it will be for you to accept any other versions which compromises this image. And anyone who is close enough to see all sides of you will eventually point out the sides you basically ignored for the most part because god forbid you are not THAT guy/girl. Any conversation which would touch upon the subject that maybe you are selfish, mean, horrible sometimes would hurt. A lot.
And when your SO gives two shits about you, you’re going to hear the good and the bad. Getting 100% good is nearly impossible. Nothing will be 100% out of the box. And if you expect 100% you are suffering from not only #3 but #1 as well.
Being comfortable enough to explore yourself changes this mentality:
1) OWWW. You remind me sometimes that I am not perfect. That I am rude/mean/inconsiderate sometimes. That I am vengeful/passive aggressive/not 100%/not good enough sometimes. That is NOT okay! I hate this! I want OUT! I guess I am meant to be alone because then I can JUST BE HAPPY! I WAS HAPPY BEFORE THIS!
2) I hear what you are saying & how it hurts you. But I am secure about myself emotionally to know that I am not 100% evil/a bad person. I have good intentions and I see somehow that doesn’t translate into my actions. I understand things can be misinterpreted. It’s not the end of the world. I’ll see if I can approach it differently next time.
Mark says it is the difficult road to emotional stability. Because in order to be healthy mentally you have to work hard at your own humility almost everyday, you have to work hard to be physically healthy (Your self esteem will be greatly influenced if you are not physically healthy), you have to fight every damn battle of irrational thoughts or refrain from behavior that can be misinterpreted.
Does this mean you are losing yourself and your own happiness? I think the struggle is REAL, folks. But you are not losing yourself. You are gaining the ability to be close to someone and be okay with it. This is a very cool skill to have. Why not have the skill where you can be open, accept criticism come what may, still remain positive about life and love and proactively change yourself for the better? Sure, the process will be painful. Sure, you will probably have your ego crushed sometimes. We can either let life hurt us and give us the excuse to stay hurt or we can be okay with what life throws at us because whatever it is… whether it be people who think we are not 100%… whether it be customers who just hate our guts…. or whether it is a big fat LEMON….
you can still make lemonade.
I think making lemonade when life throws you lemons is UNINTENTIONALLY PROFOUND. It is profound because instead of running away from those pack of lemons, you are making something delicious out of them. Happiness then ties into something that’s already there & working with it versus discarding it for the next thing that pops up.
You know, maybe it is the “No fear of failure” thing that has my adrenaline going. But it might be “Too stupid to say No” syndrome. I plunge into many ideas without knowing much of what’s going on hoping that I land on my feet and figuring that I will learn as I go. It is getting ridiculous because at the same time…I fear failure almost everyday.
What’s the worst that can happen? I become homeless? I don’t WANT to become homeless!
I know I will be able to get a job and start all over again if I fail. So… why not?
Indoor Rocking Climbing at Hanger18 with my gal pal VAL. I know…BLURRY…sorry?
Okay, so you opened your business. And you are getting payments through Paypal because that is the only thing you know. You can do the lame thing and send yourself an invoice with paypal… then take down their credit card numbers… then pay your own invoice with their credit card information…
And let paypal rape you with their 2.9% + $.30 per transaction fees. NOW WHAT?
You can use authorize.net.
A customer randomly wants to pay you with his card… and you have no reader… now what?
You can go online and log into authorize.net.
1) Buy your authorize.net account through a reseller. You cannot buy it directly from them. Why do companies do this? They don’t want to deal with customer service any longer and they know they have a product everyone wants. They would rather let their trusted resellers deal with all the customer service. This is a smart move. Here is a list.
Call everyone and haggle for the best prices. Resellers get a percentage cut off of market value so it will be a good situation for you if you can get a large portion of the discount authorize.net gives them.
2) Log into Authorize.net
3 ) Click on Tools
It should look like the below:
4) Authorize.net is a payment gateway that won’t rape you with high fees. Card readers like Square …does. Or any other type of “Free” card readers that gets mailed to you. But hey, if you really don’t care – they offer a great convenience. And if you have a store-front where you are getting orders face to face every single day – use a reader because then you can get more money in and keep the lines short.
Here is something I learned later on… which you will learn NOW. You can take payments from people who have cards with international billing addresses. You would have to change some settings… view the screenshot below:
Go to settings –> Address verification service –> uncheck the G, U, S. UNCHECK GUS! Now, viola, you can take an order from anyone living on an international island..for example.
5) Authorize.net can also integrate with your own website. You can create separate log-ins for different people. I created a developer log-in and he goes in and uses the API code Authorize.net provides. Suddenly you can take payments online. You can also do re-occurring billing. Not every customer in the world will have a paypal account so might as well know how to receive payments in other forms!
I hope that helps you guys!
Thanks for the increase in traffic! My worth of web for this website has shot from $215 to…$1493. My goal is to reach $2000. YES, THAT’S ALL I’M WORTH.. ISN’T IT?!??!
My worth of web 7 17 14
In other news… a company I co-launched with a fellow named Ron over a month ago has TWO ACTIVE PAYING subscribers now. WEEEEEEE! TWO SUBSCRIBERS!!!!!!!! Hey, that’s better then no subscribers. It gotta start SOMEWHERE.
I was having a conversation with a friend today about an “almost break up” moment I had with my boyfriend and she said, “Hey! Me too!”. I inquired what was her reasoning and she explained that it has to do with different communication styles. Both of our boyfriends are fairly inexperienced with relationships. She confessed she is inexperienced as well. And come to think of it, even though I was in a long term relationship at one point… I am also fairly inexperienced.
What have we learned, really? Unless something forces us to drastically change, we just carry the mistakes of the past into our current relationships and blame it on each other if we call it quits.
The meshing of two people with two completely separate lifestyles is a recipe that needs a LOT of compromising to work. I don’t know of anyone who likes carrying around compromises in their back pockets.
Sometimes I get caught in the “now”. Sometimes I am very selfish. And when that happens I don’t see the whole forest when I am stuck amongst the bristles of a leaf barren tree. And sometimes HE is too. No one’s perfect! Maybe that metaphor was a bit too much.
By being caught in the moment – I amplify the importance of decisions and I amplify my emotional sensitivity to a point where words will hurt (hard). When things are amplified and urgent, this could create stress and a heavy feeling on everyone involved.
There just needs to be a reminder that hey – I have the rest of my life to figure this out. What’s the hurry? If there is a mixture of kindness, patience, and willingness to be emotionally open – really – there is no reason to act with haste.
That is one life lesson I’ve learned (among others) about relationships thus far. That there is time to learn and grow. There is time for trust to be built. There is always time for that proof to bloom in anyone’s perspective of who you are… You can decide to be urgent if it is biologically healthy for you to do so. Otherwise, there is always time.
Honestly, you can be free and single at any point in life. Nothing will stop this from happening if you want it to happen. No marriage certificate, no promise ring, no title… nothing. So the decision to go back to a status quo might sometimes be what you need.
However – on the other hand… the risk you are taking by having someone in your life to act like your sounding board, to open your eyes on how you are when you are so damn close to another human being (different from family and friends), to give you a healthy reflection of how you really come off… and to care deeply enough to be honest with you about it because there is a vested interest in the betterment of yourself as a person… is worth the whole thing.
All of it.
The entire risk of a relationship.
And that’s the point of a relationship (to me).
So I guess I am pretty damn oblivious to a lot of things.
On a separate note, here is a random incomplete poem I wrote purely for entertainment purposes while I was bored at the warehouse:
Plunging, suddenly I am hurling towards
More idle time, racking my brain for more stymie rhymes
Steering my irises through window panes
Letting these surroundings fast forward I will choose
To be fashionably late again
I am simply mopping to cope with coming down from
Another adrenaline high
I am also playing pretend to infuse these sometimes provincial moments
With exciting lies
I will act like I am hypnotized
I will fake it till I make it as I compromise
Oh don’t bother coming down from your thrones
To join me here weeping
Where I will squeeze tears as a sport because it is better than
Because I am feeling silly, asian, and duck-faced:
Please enter a detailed profile, with a full menu, and some photos. We find that the more information you provide will highlight your business better, and it will also make the customer feel more comfortable with choosing your store.
Thank you for joining CENSORED COMPANY NAME!
Your 90-day free trial will end on March 29th, Latuda! After the 90 days, if you are happy with our service and do not wish to cancel, your credit card ending in 45penguinbutt67 will be charged $59 on a monthly basis.
Please let me know if you have any questions or need any help setting up your account.
CENSORED COMPANY NAME CEO, Co-Founder
Apparently R needs to learn how to call me by my birthright name sometimes. Because being called an animal can get tiring. And on top of that, Latuda is a made up word.
I was introduced by the video below and I almost DIED.
Them buns are fiiiiioooonnneeee, girl!
Then I went online to google him and there was no real biography page existing anywhere.
So here is your biography.
Name: Yousef Erakat
Does he have a girlfriend?: No
School: San Jose State
Race: Palestinian American
Has: Biceps & Triceps
How did it all start?: He was a theatre student and he wrote a business plan and used social media consistently, hustled, and worked hard to provide entertainment via Youtube concentrating on topics such as being Muslim, Terrorism, Racism which led to other skits involving Kidnapping, random pranks, and Drake. Yeah. Drake.
When I Stretch Myself Too Thin, This Is What Ends Up Happening:
I don’t give a fuck about my socks matching anymore. Not that they ever consistently matched anyway. In either texture or brand or color. Mis-matching can be a three way. But not that kind of three way.
It almost looks like I have the case of a phantom foot.
Stretching thin means thinking I can take on everything, dipping my feet (LOOK ABOVE) into everything and fooling myself into believing I have enough energy to take it ALL on.
My personal trainer Casey, whom I hired to make me become healthier, unfortunately does not have a cell phone. He calls me every other morning from the fitness gym in a soft friendly voice, “Are you awake yet? You still coming at 7AM?” to which I groggily answer back “Yessss” with half a bit of drool dangling from the corner of my chapped mouth.
I am in better shape than ever but that fooled me into believing I can take on running the automobile dismantling business AND AND…
Coordinating a website developing team from a third world country.
Embarking on creating a possible SaaS company with a fellow who I happened to message on Youtube and who happened to be local enough to meet up with me and agree on trying this shit out.
Having a boyfriend who goes rock climbing four days out of the week. Learning how to cook better.
Taking auto classes at a nearby college (I got an A+ on my first test… which proves… I care way too much when grades don’t even matter anymore at this point.)
Meeting up with a blogging group on Saturdays to spurn myself to blog more.
Hiking/Rock climbing/Running/ETCETCETC. ETC.
Then I realize….
my socks are no longer matching.
I have to admit to myself I haven’t been showering daily. I know, gross.
I wake up at 6AM going FUCK IT ALL!!!!
I wake up at 3AM and read tons and tons of random wiki-trivia about movies only to fall back to sleep again till 6AM.
I am in the middle of conversations with 6 different people at the office while I am hold on the phone, skyping with someone, on gchat with others, on my cell, remotely controlling two other computers, talking to a person in front of my face, and jotting down notes onto a calendar behind my back in which I would have to swivel my chair and WHY DON’T I PUT THE CALENDAR IN FRONT OF ME INSTEAD? WHY DID I PIN IT TO THE WALL SO I WOULD HAVE TO DO A SPIN EVERYTIME I NEED TO REMIND MYSELF OF SOMETHING?
And there’s EPA compliance, and hoses I need to buy, and Schedule C forms, and we ran out of plastic bags, and three different people needing important answers, and 5 customers want to return something, and Fedex broke a package to which I would have to resolve with a claim, and a computer needs to be rebooted and completely reconfigured….and… I find myself waking up curled into a fetal position each morning dreading the long LONG day ahead.
Stumbling back home at night, my roommate makes some quesadillas which normally I would not eat but being stretched too thin I forget I am lactose intolerant and I gobble up some with glee only to regret it later while I am in the bathroom –
STARING AT MY MISMATCHED SOCKS.
So this post was pointless. It is realizing sometimes stretching yourself so damn thin could mean wanting to re-evaluate everything. I end up promising everyone everything, fulfilling what they need with LENGTHY DELAYS, and just taking care of shit while I am flying on my tippy toes.
I envy those who can keep everything altogether in a neat and tidy pink bow of life.
Obviously I have my priorities all straightened out.
I am in my late twenties and I am currently working almost seven days a week to make ends meet. I barely have a couple hundred dollars in my savings account…much of my paycheck goes towards paying for bills. I do not shop much nor spend too frivolously thus I live within my means. I feel that my life now revolves around finding ways to make more money so I don’t have to worry about living paycheck to paycheck. My family currently lives in a small apartment and there’s not much space for anything. I crave for a space that is mine, a place for a desk and a flower – a place I can work. I want a garden for my grandmother so she won’t be bored. She loves growing plants, flowers, and vegetables. I don’t think I am really good at anything or have any skill that’s valuable to be able to increase my income to a lot more than what it is. I guess time, hard work, and patience will be best for me. I’m not too happy with myself because I don’t make much and I can’t take care of my family the way I want to. Or I guess, I’m not happy because I feel that I haven’t accomplished anything. Any ideas?
Too Poor Too Worried
Everyone starts at the bottom. Everyone. And the fact that you aren’t making that much means you probably are at some entry-level job. It takes usually a couple of years doing entry level before you are promoted to a decent salary given our economy. Sure, you didn’t land that hot high salary paying job directly out of college and maybe you have stumbled upon many mediocre jobs before landing this one which by the way is still mediocre because you are again – starting over. However, any job is better than no job. Any movement in a direction where you are at least paying your bills, where your car payments and rent are being paid off is a positive direction.
Try sticking this job out for at least 2 years while improving instead of jumping from entry level job to entry level job. It takes a certain tongue biting, a certain level of drudgery you’d have to endure before you can even demand for more. You bid your time, you make friends with the boss, you make friends with coworkers, and you work smart enough to be noticed… but while you wait you don’t have to twiddle your thumb in agony over your low pay, you wait in GREAT ANTICIPATION AND EXCITEMENT for that day where you can ask for a higher salary because you fucking deserve it.
And let me tell you, that day will come sooner than you think. Negotiating a higher salary is very common… Employees all around the world engage in this very act CONSTANTLY. Once they ask for something better and they don’t get it, they at least have a couple of other options lined up. So stop focusing on the drudgery and the low pay and the minutia of daily life. Start collecting and DOCUMENTING your progress. A good salary negotiation is going to be backed up by facts, by a long list of email testimonials of how great you are at your job, a power point presentation of how your contributions changed your company by X percentage in terms of sales, customer service recognition. Arm your portfolio with as many complimentary amos as you can and spend your hours collecting and collecting instead of moping. No compliment through email is too small. No sales number is insignificant. Not as long as there is progress.
I would highly recommend investing in salary negotiation techniques because they are worth it. Ramit Sethi is known partially for his salary negotiation online product. It is a couple of bucks for a chance to have the confidence to negotiate a several thousand dollar increase in your salary. It is worth it. I tried it myself and increased my bonus amount by 300%. I know, ridiculous. But you never know how much your employer is willing to give unless you ask for it. Meanwhile, never stop applying to other jobs AS YOU IMPROVE, because you never know there might be a great job right around the corner with a higher salary you can use as leverage. If another company is willing to pay you more, your company will no doubt look at you with a different perspective. If you are suddenly in greater demand, that is all the more reason for them to give you what you want.
Let’s focus on your living situation. Having your own desk with a FLOWER is not hard to do in any situation as long as there is a roof over your head. Cell mates have their own desks. At work, you have your own desk. For your grandmother who loves growing vegetables, there are many indoor hanging plants she can do without having to add extra real estate to your current situation. She can do a hanging tomato garden. They even sell some kits at the $.99 only store! She can totally start doing urban indoor gardening.
Sometimes, people in their twenties have the luxury to fool around, make mistakes, live life recklessly. Life has serendipitously landed you a role of the caretaker for your family. For you to take on that role is already so self sacrificing, you do not need to beat yourself up with further guilt for not providing them the mansion or lifestyle you believe they deserve. I am pretty sure as long as you are paying all the bills, they have it pretty nice that someone else is taking care of them when they cannot do that for themselves. Already there should be a deep sense of gratefulness and if you are taken for granted then you should not beat yourself up more for it. Kind reminders of your generosity should at least be doled out once in a while so they can thank their lucky stars they are not homeless and starving.
You are right. Time, patience, and hard work will definitely be the best for you. It is in how you are biding your time that is causing mental agony. Bide your time by filling it up with your portfolio of minor to major accomplishments. You will see how they all add up. Bide your time by relishing in the simple joys life affords you because you are going somewhere and doing something instead of sitting around all day waiting for someone else to take care of you (I am adding this just in case but I know you already have your own life-relishing activities). It is important not to dismiss how important you are. Without you, your family will not have the care they are receiving. Without you, your company wouldn’t be benefiting so much from your efforts. It is important also to not dismiss your accomplishments no matter how minor.
The accompanying praise and the relics given to those who reach their milestones which are declared on Facebook or in real life… their milestones for the most part resulted from long roads traveled. Their milestones were accompanied by years of hard work, years riddled with tiny moments where they feel they are not worth it because they haven’t reached their pot of gold at the end of the rainbow yet.
The accomplishments you achieve, however minor, should be documented and not so easily dismissed so that when you step back to get an emotional outcast of your current situation – it is a feeling of gathered accomplishments enough for the overall picture to be a good one. A progressing one. There is something inside of you that is burning with truth – that you are worth and you deserve a lot more than your current salary and standard of living. Keep that truth burning because it is so so so much better than resigning to thinking your current situation is the way it always will be. Your salary is the best you can get. Your life is as good as it gets when it isn’t so good. The fact that despite what you tell me about how down you are about your current situation, you still maintain the “this can’t be it, it can get better, I am worth a lot more than this” attitude. So deep down you know your worth. KEEP PUSHING that feeling towards the surface so taking a step back to view yourself won’t be a painful experience of, “where am I? I haven’t gone anywhere,” to “I know my value and I am not standing still. Life is moving forward. I am moving forward. I am not where I want to be now but there is nothing stopping me from getting there. THESE ARE JUST MY HUMBLE MOTHERFUCKING BEGINNINGS, BITCHES! ONWARDS HO!”
Simply because I am so DAMN HAPPY all the time and I get many “Dear Polly” type questions from friends, I figured I’ll answer one publicly. If it proves to be a fun activity I will keep it up. If not, oh well, onto other things.
Feel free to contact meand send me your “ASK POLLY” questions. I will keep them anonymous and answer them!