How to Do Online Dating

How to Do Online Dating

Let’s face it.  Everyone needs this.  RADIO needs this.  Because I can rap about everything except for Jesus! (Woa, strange tangent there…)

And I am suuuuuuuuch a pro by now that I can clearly give advice on this matter.

I have been through horrible, life-changing, soul crushing disappointments and have lived to tell the tale.  No, for some reason life didn’t hand me the card of “meet the love of your life in high school and stay with him until you are 80” type of ordeal.  Life handed me a wild card.  So wild that by now I won’t be surprised by almost anything.  But hey – I emerged from it pretty damn deliriously happy so I just want to put in my 2 cents.

A close friend of mine recently started venturing into the world of online dating and she was detailing me her trials and tribulations because I have “been there” and “done that” and “is still doing that” –  I just feel compelled to write this blog post.   And I have many friends talk to me about their online dating experience as if they are noobs.  (Does this mean I am “seasoned”?  Sounds nasty coming from a female – doesn’t it?  Sounds like 3 weeks old cabbage sitting in the back of your fridge)  I just don’t want you to get “pawned” when entering the world of online dating.

Below I will write two guides.  A female guide as well as a male guide.

What You Should Know and Do with Online Dating and What You Probably Aren’t Doing [Female guide]

female

female

1) CREATE ANOTHER PHONE LINE using google voice.  Give this phone number away.  Never use your real number.  Ever.  Here is a post I wrote about a tech hack you can do with your phone to get 4 numbers in one phone.

2) After you create a google voice number, please do sign up to any online dating site.  For many friends and acquaintances – OKcupid is quite popular but with a lower population density than pof.com.  However, OKcupid has a higher caliber of people and POF is like a cesspool of whoever is out there in the world (The kind you “bump” into in real life for example!).

Pro’s of OKcupid – Emails you receive and profiles suggestions will lead you directly to the website without having you needing to log in.

Pro’s POF.com – It has developed into this massively supportive community within the forums where you can get tips and advice (even self profile critiques).  You can also search people by their screen names.

If the free ones don’t work – resort to paid ones.  Like Match.com.

3) This is where everyone who is online probably gets lazy to do = Create two profiles.  One real and one fake.  Your fake profile must sound like a reasonably good catch.  It will take you another 5 minutes but will save you a lot of hassle.  I will get to the why of this later on.

4) Brace yourself – if you are female in any shape or form you will be SPAMMED by men messaging you.  Message back only men you like and schedule them according to your available time.  They have to fit your schedule.  Always.  Do not waste any time chit chatting or texting back and forth.  Do not waste your life this way – meet them the very next day or even the same day over a brief cup of coffee/tea/whatever you prefer.  Just meet them immediately.  Who people are in real life might differ drastically from who they present themselves to be through texting/emailing/phone.  If they don’t meet you immediately, forget about it.

5) If a person wants to commit to you – use your second fake profile to see if they are really serious.  This may sound brutal – but at least you know you didn’t catch a “playa”.  So you don’t need to hate the playa, you don’t need to hate the game, you just need to have the ability to let go if it’s not your cup of tea.

6) Have pictures of yourself in different settings – Sporty, Classic, Made up, Natural, Adventurous.  Men like women who are a “freak in sheets” but a “lady in the streets”.  Yeah, it’s like that.  Being one dimensional really doesn’t help.  SORRY!

So 6 simple advice you can follow if you are wading into the waters.  It will save you a lot of time and energy and headache.  TRUST.

Now, onto the men’s portion.

I am not going to bullshit around with this guide.  This guide will change your online dating experience.

What You Should Know and Do with Online Dating and What You Probably Aren’t Doing [Male guide]

male

male

1) Do steps 1,3,5 of the female guide.

2) Females who are serious with online dating do not to be buttered up with conversation/texting for a long time before they meet you.  Ask them to meet with you the next day or week (all the meanwhile do not text them constantly).  If they say no, move on because you might as well be talking to a man pretending to be a woman.

3) Download all the mobile applications for each one and keep them ON (All of them) 24/7.  Respond IMMEDIATELY if you receive a message from ANY girl.  Online dating sites show females how responsive a profile you have.

4) YOU WILL BE DISAPPOINTED.  Some of my guy friends who are gorgeous looking with stable jobs get as little as 2-3 messages a day IF they are LUCKY.  And many times the girl would flake out on meeting them (because girls are more timid than men).  That is why you should follow advice number 3 to maximize your chances of getting hits.  Online search engines prioritize you and will feature your profile more often depending on how often you are online.  If you are shown as never signing off, ever, you will be on the front page many many times.  A friend of a friend works at this Jdate website and this is what he was told and thus consequently informed me of.  Do not give up if you are only getting 1 or 2 hits a day.  You are doing just fine as a male.

5) Be one time.  Pay for the coffee. Plan all the dates.  Pay for everything.  There are so many others in line before you who will do all of this and if you are seen as stingy or sloppy – there will be many others lining up after you are gone.  This is the truth.

6) Include at least 1 friendly smiling shot of your face and 1 body shot of your naked (I said it.  Nekkid.) chest.  Females care.  We do not want to see 10 different mug shots nor do we want to see headless shots of your body in every picture.  If you do not have a six pack – it takes a few bit of $$ for gasoline to drive yourself to the local gym and take a picture of yourself exercising.

I wrote this because I know these tips will dramatically improve your odds at online dating.  But I also wrote this because I am tired of the closet nay-sayers who condemn online dating for russian rouletting it “in the real world”.  At least with online dating you can weed out people who have a ton of permanent character flaws they state for you from the get go.  At least with online dating you can have your life on your schedule with a potential of 20x’s the success rate of trying to chance it in life as you work in your cubicle and your only coworkers are all females.

Bottom moral of this lesson – Try to find someone when you are in college and you can build a solid foundation through classes/tutorial sessions together.  The real world is scary.

 

Just joshing with you!  I am serious with my tips and tricks, though.  If you don’t believe me, try them out.  Live a little.  Have fun with it.  And good night!

Oh!  I need more “LIKES” on my facebook page that I just created the other day.  Help me out will ya?  Thank you!  I appreciate you!

 purple-kpd


CATEGORY: Life, Online Dating, Personal Lessons About, Relationships, Uncategorized

Kim Dang

Comments (2)

lol, I used dating sites for years and rarely ever received messages until one day, as a joke, I took some “modeling pics” of me topless in the mirror with one of those Turkish faggot duck faces. The result: 3 messages a day, every day, from women who had ignored my messages in the past – and they had no idea I’d even messaged them before because they would previously delete my messages the seconds they saw my pic.

Pyjammez… In other words you are saying my advice is sound and effective, yeah? That’s what I’m talking about. Stop by anytime!

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