OH SO TIRED

I apologize for the lack of REAL meaty, how-to posts you guys desire (and face it, it’s the only thing you want anyway).

To quickly update.  For the first time in my LIFE I’ve hired a full time virtual assistant.  So far… so good.  I have more time for myself which means AFTER work this is what I do:

1) Drive down the hill to go indoor rock climbing at a Hanger 18 (upland, rancho).  I can do V2+’s now!

2) Spend hours and hours after midnight talking to manufacturers in China (Because I want to start an import company).

3) Spending hours creating new training for my VA.

4) Spending hours listening/learning from online modules by David Siteman Garland teaching me how to Create An Awesome Course Online (Because that’s also want to do).  I have subscribers for my software company (of which I am a co-founder) BUT it’s not nearly at the level it can be and I really want to spend the next months pushing it to the next level.

5) Spend more time meeting random strangers at meetup groups (Because … I want to!).

With more free time I basically exhaust myself almost completely with physical exertions of mental exertions and then I crash hard.  No one is forcing me to do anything.  Everything I want to do, I do it because I can.

I also sleep almost all day sometimes on Saturdays… because I want to [notice the theme here? the UNDERLYING theme?].  Here is a verbal explanation of my current life: ME ME ME ME ME ME ME I WANT TO I WANT TO I WANT TO. I WANT TO CLIMB. I WANT TO GO TO THE BEACH. I WANT TO GO TO THE FAIR. I WANT MORE. HERE LET ME TREAT YOU OUT BECAUSE I CAN. HERE LET ME TREAT MYSELF OUT BECAUSE I DESERVE IT. ME ME ME ME ME ME. YOU? OKAY, SURE. BACK TO ME. [My friend recently had a something similar.. a stream of conscience of some sort… and I decided it was pretty damn accurate of my situation as well… so I shamelessly copied her (Credit to Robin Tran)].

After a cup of sake + frozen strawberries to cap off the night.

After a cup of sake + frozen strawberries to cap off the night. Notice the eye goop? Good.

I’m learning how to love myself more and not having to worry so much about money (now) is such a blessing in almost all aspects of my damn life.

Sales dipped a little for the auto dismantling company but I spent a lot of time training vs. listing (to FREE myself!) so it was worth it.  I want to be free. I want to stop trading hours for dollars, dammnit.

Some screenshots that were relevant to my life below.  And that’s it!  Because I’m tired & I want to go to sleep.

I promise I PROMISE I will find time to post something relevant.  For now the most relevant thing I can tell you guys is:

1) I’m starting an import company.

2) I am going to start an online course THE RIGHT WAY (with the right softwares).  By the way, why does wordpress auto correct me when I type softwareS?  Is software not SUPPOSED to be plural? What?

3) I’m in the process of slowly and surely automating my auto dismantling company so it can run without me.  I’m taking the steps, sir!

4) I find that with financial stability I love myself A LOT MORE. (Free drinks on me!)  I want more than this provincial life!! (to be honest, this life is rather insane already).

5) I’m becoming more and more involved with different communities,I’m enjoying giving free advice left and right to help whoever I can and even though my sleep schedule is completely fucked up by now – I love it.

Auto Dismantling Sales

Auto Dismantling Sales

Separate Credit Card Sales

Separate Credit Card Sales

Software company sales

Software company sales

Question!: What is going on in your life that I can help with?  Leave comments below or send me a private email!  I’m not making any promises. But hey, I’ll take a stab at it.


Intimacy and Closeness

The other day I got a spam email from an SEO telemarketer critiquing my site as being too “company centric”.  Obviously he didn’t read anything on my site because… does a “company centric” blog site include a poem about sex on their site?  I didn’t think so.

A good point was made though – that if you go to this site you have no idea where to start or what to read because the topics are so damn varied.  Therefore, I’ve decided to make pages such as “NEWCOMER? START HERE” in the menu as well as ARCHIVE, PROJECTS, and CONTACT.

I’ve yet to make those pages.

I recently read Mark Manson’s post about 3 explanations why he thinks single people (who hate being single) are still single (and hating being single).

Let me break it down for you

1) Too high expectations of others while not really being hot shit themselves.  Overweight woman expects to date a man with six pack abs for example.

2) Not respecting their health/emotional well being enough to work really hard to be an emotionally and physically healthy individual … and wondering why they are getting rejected for relationships.

3) Skills for intimacy are not developed yet.  Which means they interpret every argument/fight as unbearable & can’t feel comfortable in getting close to someone because they don’t want to explore themselves on a deeper level and be okay with it.

I agree with all three points.

I think I’ve been through all of it and the one I struggle the most with is #3.

Why not #1 or #2?  I changed myself for the better by hiring a therapist to allow me to see reality clearly when it came to #1 and #2.  I got off my ass, exercised more, killed almost 80% of my expectations for people and what they can provide for me – instead I focused on becoming more giving without counting tabs & seeing where it goes when that happens.

#3 is tough.  How can you tell your SO that the cause of your pain is them without hurting them in the process? And vice versa?  It’s difficult.  Even if it is delivered at calm times.  I think it’s because to yourself – you are perfect (or close enough).  You’ve figured out for the most part what makes you happy.  And everything else outside of what makes you happy will mean… unhappiness.  And unhappiness is not what you want to include in your life.

You don’t want to face or even fathom the idea that sometimes.. you are not a good person.  Sometimes you are downright selfish.  Sometimes you are rude and you act in a way which hurts others unintentionally or otherwise.  There are these darker sides to you that resurface once in a while.  Although they do not make up the majority of your traits and personality – it hurts to admit to yourself that you are a bad person (sometimes).

I think the more you view yourself as a really good decent honest loving person… and you stick to that ideal rather vehemently… the harder it will be for you to accept any other versions which compromises this image.  And anyone who is close enough to see all sides of you will eventually point out the sides you basically ignored for the most part because god forbid you are not THAT guy/girl.  Any conversation which would touch upon the subject that maybe you are selfish, mean, horrible sometimes would hurt. A lot.

And when your SO gives two shits about you, you’re going to hear the good and the bad.  Getting 100% good is nearly impossible.  Nothing will be 100% out of the box.  And if you expect 100% you are suffering from not only #3 but #1 as well.

Being comfortable enough to explore yourself changes this mentality:

1) OWWW. You remind me sometimes that I am not perfect. That I am rude/mean/inconsiderate sometimes.  That I am vengeful/passive aggressive/not 100%/not good enough sometimes.  That is NOT okay!  I hate this!  I want OUT!  I guess I am meant to be alone because then I can JUST BE HAPPY! I WAS HAPPY BEFORE THIS!

to this:

2) I hear what you are saying & how it hurts you.  But I am secure about myself emotionally to know that I am not 100% evil/a bad person.  I have good intentions and I see somehow that doesn’t translate into my actions.  I understand things can be misinterpreted.  It’s not the end of the world.  I’ll see if I can approach it differently next time.

Mark says it is the difficult road to emotional stability.  Because in order to be healthy mentally you have to work hard at your own humility almost everyday, you have to work hard to be physically healthy (Your self esteem will be greatly influenced if you are not physically healthy), you have to fight every damn battle of irrational thoughts or refrain from behavior that can be misinterpreted.

Does this mean you are losing yourself and your own happiness?  I think the struggle is REAL, folks.  But you are not losing yourself.  You are gaining the ability to be close to someone and be okay with it.  This is a very cool skill to have.  Why not have the skill where you can be open, accept criticism come what may, still remain positive about life and love and proactively change yourself for the better?  Sure, the process will be painful.  Sure, you will probably have your ego crushed sometimes.  We can either let life hurt us and give us the excuse to stay hurt or we can be okay with what life throws at us because whatever it is… whether it be people who think we are not 100%… whether it be customers who just hate our guts…. or whether it is a big fat LEMON….

you can still make lemonade.

I think making lemonade when life throws you lemons is UNINTENTIONALLY PROFOUND.  It is profound because instead of running away from those pack of lemons, you are making something delicious out of them.  Happiness then ties into something that’s already there & working with it versus discarding it for the next thing that pops up.

The saying could’ve been… when life gives you lemons… you … THROW THEM ON THE GROUND.. and go with THE BAG OF APPLES.

(But it’s not.)

Yes. Chin pimples = CHIMPLES.

Yes. Chin pimples = CHIMPLES. Also, I was going to filter myself completely green to resemble the Hulk’s bastard child. But I changed my mind last minute.

 


“Everything around you that you call Life was made up of people who are no smarter than you.” – Steve Jobs.

So you can change and mold life to whatever you want it to be, basically.

For years of my life I have given in to my parents’ pressure of going down this road.  Every other word was uttered with extreme fear of the unknown and traveling a safe road would be best.  Even though every inch of my being wanted something else completely – I kept trying a path I hated to travel.  Maybe that was why I kept changing my mind, pretending to friends and families about something that wasn’t even relevant to their life – my career goals.

It wasn’t after a messy breakup, countless attempts to do something my heart wasn’t even into, that I decided to say the hell with it.

I’m done with trying paths my heart wasn’t passionate about.  Because I will never be able to live with myself.  Because what I discovered through this journey called “Life” was that I would never be successful due to self sabotage if it’s not something I will fall in love with.  And it wasn’t until I recognized this pattern in myself that was able to let go.

In letting go there is no more fear.  Fear of failure? Forget it.  Fear of backstabbing?  Been there, survived it, continuing to live life trusting again.  Fear of being broke?  I know English, right?  I can communicate?  I’ll be okay.  Fear of being taken advantage of?  Nope.  I am too damn smart for that.  Many of my fears are eliminated.

And I am most happy living this way.


 

Copyright by Passive Income Marathon Inc.