Updates & Just checkin’ in withcha

It’s been awhile since I blogged and I said I would blog every week.  Well, that just went straight out the window.  My last update was end of June 2017.  It’s now August, 2017.

Since then I hiked half dome (the cables way). I went to a friend’s wedding in San Francisco and took the time to bike for miles and miles around the area and across the golden gate bridge.  I visited Matthes Crest by roping up and down it, soloing a part of the traverse for 6 hours of my 17 hour day. I climbed at various other places, visited 15 cities and 42 locations (random restaurants, etc.). Went through another staff rotation. Launched another product.  Life has been busy.

I was with someone on and off for many years and for the first time in my life I’m not anymore. For good.  Like this usual feeling of permanence has disappeared.  And I’m okay with it.

To improve my writing, no matter how short the update, I’m just going to post it.  I don’t network enough to get rid of the fob voice in my head. HAHA.  So writing the shit out of it will help (I think).

I think this update is really about how I feel as I age.  I’m 30 now and it seems like I’m less hardcore (in my own perspective) in looking at the world in an idealistic way.  The older I grow, the easier it gets to just surrender to life being one chaotic blessing.  My world changes almost all the time.  I take off, on short notice, to what I believe are grand adventures.  I do not care as much about what people think.  I listen to my body a lot more.  Every week, every month is different.  Sometimes I crave consistency.  Sometimes I get irritated at the tumultuous nature of it all.  Sometimes I lie in bed all day while listening to YouTube in the background.

After living this life for years, I don’t know what a normal schedule is like anymore.  I don’t feel envious of anyone because I see everyone as living their separate lives with their own imperfections and happiness sprinkled with moments of melancholy and life crises.  I guess it’s more like “what the fuck is next?”.

And my biological clock is eerily silent.  I have no desire to have children (yet), I do not look my age so I feel like I have borrowed time.  Is there a desire to leave behind a legacy?  No.  All I’m waiting for is just enough capital to acquire more….. things?  I feel like I’m living now just to continue living.  Like eating to enjoy food and keeping myself alive.  I’m not ambitious enough to have “milestones” and I’m not lazy enough not to have short term goals.  I’m not superficial enough to own a bunch of shit and I’m not dirtbag enough to just abandon it all for a long period of time.

I don’t see an end to this.  I am content and then discontent for being content.  I experience moments of such joy when I stare at some cloud formations on top of a beautiful landscape and then my period comes and fucks it up for 2-3 days as I agonize over inconsequential shit.  My parents are doing fine and my brother will become a legit doctor in 1 year.  No one in my life is suffering (knock on wood), and all I have to do now is LIVE.  WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Even while supporting other people by providing them income, is that not enough a sense of purpose for me to not feel aimless?  No.  Not enough.  Still feeling aimless (but not in a sad way, more like a feather in a Forest Gump movie type of way).  Even while using my money to donate to charity… feeling less aimless? No.

This is how I feel now that I’m no longer in my twenties.  What’s the goal, now? Try not to get too irked by everything happening with politics?  Some of my friends have found purpose by impacting a bunch of people in their lives.  Maybe that’s next, but I’m in such a hypnotic lull of my own freedom that I don’t feel pushed in any which way all the meanwhile questioning the validity of it all.  Questioning if this life is now a valid one.

Some of my friends have kids and their “why” is so defined, it feels nice to be around that sense of certainty. HAH.  Okay, /end rambling.

Some tips I’ve learned:

  1. If you are going to try and solo Matthes Crest (even a part of it), do it at the very beginning so you don’t feel like your rope is a life line you can’t kick.  My climbing partner Clark taught me this mental trick and it worked!  It was only at the end of the day did my mental strength started draining and I had to be rope rescued because I froze literally some meters before our point of descent (AFTER I soloed up a peak already and had to down climb).
  2. Mole skin is the best.
  3. Listen to your friends when they tell you Gladiacoin is shady. (haaaahhh)
  4. Sometimes reading a 5 page PDF guide on how to do something is better than thinking of all the hurdles you’ll encounter trying to do said thing.

I’m sure you went here thinking you’d learn something about passive income and I’m just rambling on about life.  Seems like that’s the trend here.  Maybe I’ll write enough so that not EVERY blog post is a ramble.  Just every OTHER blog post… is a ramble. =)

 

How do you feel once you’ve hit your thirties?  Or how do you feel approaching 30?  Is it a lot of “what the fuck? what the fuck?… what…..the fuck…happens…now?”.  Let me know. I’d like to know.


Life is Good

The simple goals I’ve made for myself eventually gets done & I want to write a post to celebrate.

1) Restarted my webcomic site. –> I will add this post to it!

2) Point was deleted.

3) Get more than 11K in sales/month for my auto parts company. –> It took a TON of work. 1.5 years of effort. But I did it!

4) Hire a virtual assistant. –> He is very helpful and an extremely fast worker.

5) Started a youtube biography site. –> We have over 71 likes on Facebook.  Now it’s mostly run by my co-founder Lynn.  We recently added another writer to the group.  Her name is Liza.  Say Hello.

6) Get over 500+ connections on linkedin. –> 557 and counting!  I know. I need to update my profile. I will soon.

7) Push the worth of web of this blog site to over $2000 –> Did it!  That means:

476 visitors / day

(based on Alexa Rank below)
14,280 visitors / month
171,360 visitors / year
My Worth

My Worth

8) Be more happy with myself, hang out with more friends, & exercise more –> I have membership to Hanger 18 and I have been climbing like a gym monkey!  I am making time more for friends as well.  I also recently got a Mega Jul, Gri gri, Quick Lok carabiner, Quickdraw set of 5, my own chalkbag (instead of borrowing from my boyfriend all the time), my own purple harness, and a really cool headlamp.  Yeaaaaahhhhh.

9) AND LAST BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY = Prioritize what’s important. –> Listening to people more and put more effort into genuinely appreciating the friendships and relationships I have.

FUTURE SIMPLE GOALS

1) Recognize/appreciate/learn how to trust and love more.

2) Implement the marketing side of ***censored site*** to the max & fix all broken links.  It’s amazing we have subscribers when 90% of the links on our website are BROKEN.  You heard me folks.  The links lead nowhere.  Privacy policy?  Nowhere.  FAQ? Nowhere.  Home? HOME.  Can you make a business model work with a website that barely functions? Yes.  But is it the best it can be? NO.  We have a great product.  We just need to… sell it better.

  • Fix all broken links.

  • Build a thriving forum.

  • Sign up to Clickbank to create an affiliate marketing avenue.

  • Hire someone to do marketing & do SEO for the company.

  • Get monthly subscription to be $500/month.  It is a very modest goal so it is within our reach.

  • Get over 100 Subscribers to our newsletter. Right now we have 69 subscribers.

3) Bless Lynn’s heart.  I shut down sometimes when life gets too much but she is patient with me & lets me be until I can recover and return.

  • Get rid of broken components on whoistubian.com

  • Implement and earn at least $1 in affiliate link marketing on whoistubian.com

  • Write more blogs!

  • Earn at least $1 in adsense revenue.

4) Push my auto parts company to 20K in sales/month.  [This will hopefully not be that difficult.]

5) Learn how to aid climb so I can do big walls or large walls & in general become a stronger climber and a more athletic individual so I can conquer life – better.

6) Start Auto Parts Lab.  It is another auto dismantling company but this time it will be run by more than just 1 person.  I will have two co-founders.  This is my first stab at trying to franchise but not really franchising.  Goal is to break even for the first month.

7) Work on kimpossibledang.com as a blog.

  • Start a podcast.  Never tried it before but thought about it for awhile.

  • Get worth of web to $3000.

  • Reach at least 30 email subscribers. Right now I have 18.

  • Have more affiliate links.

8) Continue lolpartdeux.com & try to get at least $100 in adsense revenue from it.  So far the below is my adsense earnings for it. Pathetic.  But oh wells!:

adsense

adsense

 

Life is short. If I fail – I fail.  But at least I try.  I’m not getting any younger.  I guess those are my goals for the next months.  By writing this down I hope to make myself more accountable & that I can keep on pushing ahead.  They all work towards the following ideas in mind:

1) HAPPINESS.

2) APPRECIATION/SELFLESSNESS/LOVE.

3) FINANCIAL FREEDOM.

 

PS. I am so proud of my lil’ bro for having his white coat ceremony. He goin’ be a docta.


Gratitude

I am thankful for my family, my friends, and my boyfriend.

By moving to Hesperia by myself to start a company & consequently isolating myself to an unhealthy extent – I lose myself sometimes and I am going to actively work to get that happiness back.

Thank you for still trying.

Climbing at Fairview

Climbing at Fairview

 

Yep.

Yep.


Intimacy and Closeness

The other day I got a spam email from an SEO telemarketer critiquing my site as being too “company centric”.  Obviously he didn’t read anything on my site because… does a “company centric” blog site include a poem about sex on their site?  I didn’t think so.

A good point was made though – that if you go to this site you have no idea where to start or what to read because the topics are so damn varied.  Therefore, I’ve decided to make pages such as “NEWCOMER? START HERE” in the menu as well as ARCHIVE, PROJECTS, and CONTACT.

I’ve yet to make those pages.

I recently read Mark Manson’s post about 3 explanations why he thinks single people (who hate being single) are still single (and hating being single).

Let me break it down for you

1) Too high expectations of others while not really being hot shit themselves.  Overweight woman expects to date a man with six pack abs for example.

2) Not respecting their health/emotional well being enough to work really hard to be an emotionally and physically healthy individual … and wondering why they are getting rejected for relationships.

3) Skills for intimacy are not developed yet.  Which means they interpret every argument/fight as unbearable & can’t feel comfortable in getting close to someone because they don’t want to explore themselves on a deeper level and be okay with it.

I agree with all three points.

I think I’ve been through all of it and the one I struggle the most with is #3.

Why not #1 or #2?  I changed myself for the better by hiring a therapist to allow me to see reality clearly when it came to #1 and #2.  I got off my ass, exercised more, killed almost 80% of my expectations for people and what they can provide for me – instead I focused on becoming more giving without counting tabs & seeing where it goes when that happens.

#3 is tough.  How can you tell your SO that the cause of your pain is them without hurting them in the process? And vice versa?  It’s difficult.  Even if it is delivered at calm times.  I think it’s because to yourself – you are perfect (or close enough).  You’ve figured out for the most part what makes you happy.  And everything else outside of what makes you happy will mean… unhappiness.  And unhappiness is not what you want to include in your life.

You don’t want to face or even fathom the idea that sometimes.. you are not a good person.  Sometimes you are downright selfish.  Sometimes you are rude and you act in a way which hurts others unintentionally or otherwise.  There are these darker sides to you that resurface once in a while.  Although they do not make up the majority of your traits and personality – it hurts to admit to yourself that you are a bad person (sometimes).

I think the more you view yourself as a really good decent honest loving person… and you stick to that ideal rather vehemently… the harder it will be for you to accept any other versions which compromises this image.  And anyone who is close enough to see all sides of you will eventually point out the sides you basically ignored for the most part because god forbid you are not THAT guy/girl.  Any conversation which would touch upon the subject that maybe you are selfish, mean, horrible sometimes would hurt. A lot.

And when your SO gives two shits about you, you’re going to hear the good and the bad.  Getting 100% good is nearly impossible.  Nothing will be 100% out of the box.  And if you expect 100% you are suffering from not only #3 but #1 as well.

Being comfortable enough to explore yourself changes this mentality:

1) OWWW. You remind me sometimes that I am not perfect. That I am rude/mean/inconsiderate sometimes.  That I am vengeful/passive aggressive/not 100%/not good enough sometimes.  That is NOT okay!  I hate this!  I want OUT!  I guess I am meant to be alone because then I can JUST BE HAPPY! I WAS HAPPY BEFORE THIS!

to this:

2) I hear what you are saying & how it hurts you.  But I am secure about myself emotionally to know that I am not 100% evil/a bad person.  I have good intentions and I see somehow that doesn’t translate into my actions.  I understand things can be misinterpreted.  It’s not the end of the world.  I’ll see if I can approach it differently next time.

Mark says it is the difficult road to emotional stability.  Because in order to be healthy mentally you have to work hard at your own humility almost everyday, you have to work hard to be physically healthy (Your self esteem will be greatly influenced if you are not physically healthy), you have to fight every damn battle of irrational thoughts or refrain from behavior that can be misinterpreted.

Does this mean you are losing yourself and your own happiness?  I think the struggle is REAL, folks.  But you are not losing yourself.  You are gaining the ability to be close to someone and be okay with it.  This is a very cool skill to have.  Why not have the skill where you can be open, accept criticism come what may, still remain positive about life and love and proactively change yourself for the better?  Sure, the process will be painful.  Sure, you will probably have your ego crushed sometimes.  We can either let life hurt us and give us the excuse to stay hurt or we can be okay with what life throws at us because whatever it is… whether it be people who think we are not 100%… whether it be customers who just hate our guts…. or whether it is a big fat LEMON….

you can still make lemonade.

I think making lemonade when life throws you lemons is UNINTENTIONALLY PROFOUND.  It is profound because instead of running away from those pack of lemons, you are making something delicious out of them.  Happiness then ties into something that’s already there & working with it versus discarding it for the next thing that pops up.

The saying could’ve been… when life gives you lemons… you … THROW THEM ON THE GROUND.. and go with THE BAG OF APPLES.

(But it’s not.)

Yes. Chin pimples = CHIMPLES.

Yes. Chin pimples = CHIMPLES. Also, I was going to filter myself completely green to resemble the Hulk’s bastard child. But I changed my mind last minute.

 


Wrote this in 2008.  But still, it is my favorite.

Black and white Polaroid happiness, I’ll bring out your crinkled noses.
Karaoke blasting to off beat tunes, singing out loud.
Nevermind the booing crowd. This song’s dedicated to you, kid.
Slither your eyes down these curves of mine, I’ll thrust you into oblivion.
With a smirk on my face, twirl me with this hypnotic trance, you set the pace.
There’s glitter to this back and forth, our torque, you suspend me mid-way
Then dip me. With the rose and the thorns clenched, barely, through your teeth. (more…)

Copyright by Passive Income Marathon Inc.