Almost Breaking Up Again, So What’s The Point?
I was having a conversation with a friend today about an “almost break up” moment I had with my boyfriend and she said, “Hey! Me too!”. I inquired what was her reasoning and she explained that it has to do with different communication styles. Both of our boyfriends are fairly inexperienced with relationships. She confessed she is inexperienced as well. And come to think of it, even though I was in a long term relationship at one point… I am also fairly inexperienced.
What have we learned, really? Unless something forces us to drastically change, we just carry the mistakes of the past into our current relationships and blame it on each other if we call it quits.
The meshing of two people with two completely separate lifestyles is a recipe that needs a LOT of compromising to work. I don’t know of anyone who likes carrying around compromises in their back pockets.
Sometimes I get caught in the “now”. Sometimes I am very selfish. And when that happens I don’t see the whole forest when I am stuck amongst the bristles of a leaf barren tree. And sometimes HE is too. No one’s perfect! Maybe that metaphor was a bit too much.
By being caught in the moment – I amplify the importance of decisions and I amplify my emotional sensitivity to a point where words will hurt (hard). When things are amplified and urgent, this could create stress and a heavy feeling on everyone involved.
There just needs to be a reminder that hey – I have the rest of my life to figure this out. What’s the hurry? If there is a mixture of kindness, patience, and willingness to be emotionally open – really – there is no reason to act with haste.
That is one life lesson I’ve learned (among others) about relationships thus far. That there is time to learn and grow. There is time for trust to be built. There is always time for that proof to bloom in anyone’s perspective of who you are… You can decide to be urgent if it is biologically healthy for you to do so. Otherwise, there is always time.
Honestly, you can be free and single at any point in life. Nothing will stop this from happening if you want it to happen. No marriage certificate, no promise ring, no title… nothing. So the decision to go back to a status quo might sometimes be what you need.
However – on the other hand… the risk you are taking by having someone in your life to act like your sounding board, to open your eyes on how you are when you are so damn close to another human being (different from family and friends), to give you a healthy reflection of how you really come off… and to care deeply enough to be honest with you about it because there is a vested interest in the betterment of yourself as a person… is worth the whole thing.
All of it.
The entire risk of a relationship.
And that’s the point of a relationship (to me).
So I guess I am pretty damn oblivious to a lot of things.
On a separate note, here is a random incomplete poem I wrote purely for entertainment purposes while I was bored at the warehouse:
Plunging, suddenly I am hurling towards
More idle time, racking my brain for more stymie rhymes
Steering my irises through window panes
Letting these surroundings fast forward I will choose
To be fashionably late again
I am simply mopping to cope with coming down from
Another adrenaline high
I am also playing pretend to infuse these sometimes provincial moments
With exciting lies
I will act like I am hypnotized
I will fake it till I make it as I compromise
Oh don’t bother coming down from your thrones
To join me here weeping
Where I will squeeze tears as a sport because it is better than
Because I am feeling silly, asian, and duck-faced: