Is There A Use To Being

The Devil’s Advocate

For Insight ?

Credit to: Forbes.com

 

Once again, it’s this nagging idea that has been bothering me.

Sometimes (or often)… you like to take brute pride in your own convictions.  And you are then asked to be humble by certain methods of persuasion.  One method the other party might enact includes playing the Devil’s advocate to remind you that different perspectives may exist.  More like a fight for neutrality.

“SOME people might perceive it as that… yes… but others might not.”

How are you supposed to respond?

“Umm… yes.”

You realize this bothers you because after that “yes” is verbalized, your mind is probably going “So what the fuck is next?”

When a person is playing Devil’s advocate simply as a way to rub some neutral ground to your stated opinion (extreme as they may be sometimes)…. the only use of this tool is for halting what may come from your opinion.  It’s to halt the next move towards your end game.  Why?  Because there is fear that you would take it too far?  Because of their neurotic urge to feel right with an easy cop-out by stating the obvious?

Playing the Devil’s advocate without a proposed different solution or different insight provides no value add.  It is a form of underestimating my intelligence by reminding me of what should be very much common sense.

Of course some people may see it as this and not that.  OF COURSE others might view it differently.  OF COURSE I might be the product of my own environment.  OF COURSE it could be a strong influence of proximity, of peers, and OF COURSE.. it might not.  THIS OR THAT… SOMETIMES… These phrases bother me if there is no solution after the fact.

Provide a damn solution if you are going to try and bring me back to the neutral ground I strayed away from.  Purposely I left that neutral place a long time ago because I have an opinion.

My response could be, “Well, it’s my own opinion.  Others might think differently.  This is how I think.”

But that would be too obvious.  Much more obvious than, “Some people think this way, others think that, too.  Not everyone is like that, some of them are like that, others are not.  Some things are that way.  Often times it could be something different.”

It’s maddening because there is no proposed solution.  It’s maddening because the very act of having an opinion is to take a stand away from being neutral.

Not from intolerance.

Not from bigotry.

But because you have a fucking opinion.

/End rant.


What Does It Mean When You Require More Attention

Credit to: GETGOODGAME.COM

I wanted to write about my take on what people consider “neediness” they don’t want/need to deal with.  Why? Because it is a topic which is bothering me as of late.

At the beginning of a relationship, if it is the ones that start post-college, let’s face it – it probably is very sexual.

And when people meet up for these “dates” which are really = eating and waiting to have intercourse periods, ESPECIALLY when two people are casually dating and before exclusivity is declared….. you are not friends.  Sorry.  You are CFWBs.

CFWBs = CIVIL Friends With Benefits.  Because you are not outright declaring you are using each other for sex/company since you don’t even know much about the other person.  But basically that is what it is.  TRUST.

This is compared to DFWBs = DECLARED Friends with Benefits.  DFWBs are either best buddies who share a mutual love for sex and consistently sabotaging any real romantic relationship with their attempted dates OR they share a very cold relationship where hitting it and quitting it is the norm… still consistently sabotaging any real romantic relationship with their attempted dates.

When CFWBs become GF/BFs there is a shift in the paradigm.  Both have agreed that they can have great sex and now are moving on towards other things…. like getting to know each other.  Once great sex is almost a guaranty – you can commence with the transition between SEX MOSTLY to a SEX + Sprinkles of Romance relationship.

Here is where things tend to get STICKY.

ONE OF YOU WILL HAVE A NEED TO RECEIVE MORE ATTENTION.  OR BOTH!

Because a transition from CFWBs –> GF/BF will not be a happy one unless SOMETHING is realized.  That something is the fact that a yearning for friendship/love has begun.  Improper response: “Hey, I was used to only responding to you once a week – what happened? WHY ARE YOU SO MUCH MORE NEEDY?”  Proper response: “Oh, so you need me to do that to make you happy?  Alrighty then!  Let’s get this show on the ROAD.”

When something CLICKS in your mind and you want more attention/texting/calling/initiation during a period where there is USUALLY RADIO SILENCE…… you, my friend, are only exercising your right for love.

Think about it.  You are given love freely from your parents.  You are given love freely from friends – OF COURSE they don’t mind your need to share your thoughts.  There is no such thing as an overload (unless that person is naturally annoying by a unanimous vote).  You start to want the friendship/love that comes freely with others in your life – from your recently acquired significant other.

You are normal.

There are MANY ways this scenario can turn out:

1) They react with insecurity/fear for their own freedom thinking it is mostly about them and not really about your yearning to be fulfilled emotionally (because you got the physical shit DOWN)… then they are not your cup of tea.  Spit it out.  Throw away the  freakin’ cup.  Life is short.  There is no need to keep on sipping that bitter nasty cup of tea when you can have the greatest CHAI TEA you’ve ever tasted in your LIFE if you simply moved on.

2)  They react with trying to increase attention but naturally they suck at it because they are not used to it.  Know yourself to know how much longer you can tolerate it.  However, you will only continue to struggle with it which might lead to fights and could otherwise mess up an okay ending to a short lived story.  No one needs to get mauled in this process.  It was a good run – carry on.  Everyone can move on happy.

3) They react by giving you the attention you need in DROVES.   Like a train that suddenly started and will move NONSTOP.  Like a double rainbow that never stops shinning – providing happiness forever.  You are deliriously happy.  You both move forward in delirious happiness.  Because they realize it’s not about THEM when it comes to asking for more attention, it’s about YOU.  And making YOU happy is what matters.

I might have exaggerated on certain parts of this description.  But you get the gist of what I am saying.

*This is to exclude all behaviors of emotional manipulation.  Once emotional manipulation comes into play – this whole explanation is moot.*


“Everything around you that you call Life was made up of people who are no smarter than you.” – Steve Jobs.

So you can change and mold life to whatever you want it to be, basically.

For years of my life I have given in to my parents’ pressure of going down this road.  Every other word was uttered with extreme fear of the unknown and traveling a safe road would be best.  Even though every inch of my being wanted something else completely – I kept trying a path I hated to travel.  Maybe that was why I kept changing my mind, pretending to friends and families about something that wasn’t even relevant to their life – my career goals.

It wasn’t after a messy breakup, countless attempts to do something my heart wasn’t even into, that I decided to say the hell with it.

I’m done with trying paths my heart wasn’t passionate about.  Because I will never be able to live with myself.  Because what I discovered through this journey called “Life” was that I would never be successful due to self sabotage if it’s not something I will fall in love with.  And it wasn’t until I recognized this pattern in myself that was able to let go.

In letting go there is no more fear.  Fear of failure? Forget it.  Fear of backstabbing?  Been there, survived it, continuing to live life trusting again.  Fear of being broke?  I know English, right?  I can communicate?  I’ll be okay.  Fear of being taken advantage of?  Nope.  I am too damn smart for that.  Many of my fears are eliminated.

And I am most happy living this way.


 

Copyright by Passive Income Marathon Inc.